Goldfish
by Purpuhl
Summary: Rhen and co. go to the carnival and engage in their usual antics (or not?). One-shot ridiculosity. K plus because of... ah... flirting?


_Hahahaha I am sorry for this, really I am, but here is a silly story about Rhen and co. going to the carnival and having a bunch of stupid (mis)adventures. I wrote it to try and clear my head from writing a bunch of other stupid stuff. So, don't take it too seriously and you might have fun :D_

* * *

There was a carnival in Veldt and Rhen was going. Elini tried to talk sense into her, she tried to tell the sword singer that all the rides were overpriced and all the games were scams, but did Rhen listen? Of course not. No more than she heeded Lars' rolling eyes or Galahad's grumpy harrumph. Rhen never listened, and sooner or later her party would have to accept this.

They would also have to accept that they were going with her. Really, what did they _think_ they were signing up for when they offered to accompany her on this quest? She hadn't _asked_ for any of them- except Dameon, but that was different. They needed a healer. And besides, he didn't try to boss her around, or protest her ideas-

"FIVE HUNDRED GOLD FOR A LOUSY TEN TICKETS?!"

The dude at the gate of the carnival drew himself up to his full height, which was not very high, and said, "Yes, m'lady. That's the price."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME-"

Before Rhen could finish calmly explaining her outrage, Dameon had handed the man the gold and collected the tickets. "Thanks, have a nice day," he said, pushing Rhen through the gate in front of him.

"Why would you tell him that?!" Rhen demanded as soon as she was through. "He doesn't deserve a nice day! I hope he suffers! I hope he chokes on his precious tickets! I hope the prices fall- _on top of him! AND CRUSH HIM!_ "

But Dameon just said "That's nice, Rhen," rather distractedly, and patted her head. She tried to growl at him but he was pointing towards a cotton candy stand and her stomach was growling instead.

Pirate John watched them walk off and thought to himself that now was his chance to escape. He could disappear into the crowd, and none of them would ever find him again. If he was lucky he could probably even take off with their dragon.

He wasn't lucky, because Elini was behind him.

"Hot day for a carnival, isn't it?" she said with one of her deceivingly sweet smiles. "That snow cone stand over there looks particularly inviting just now."

And that is how, instead of robbing his companions, Pirate John found himself robbed by a noblewoman. He was robbed of the price of a snow cone, _two_ snow cones, because she insisted he needed one too, and he was robbed of his time and his freedom, and most importantly, his dignity. And he didn't have that much to spare, you know.

But one thing which he _did_ manage to retain was his kisses, at least for one more day.

Lars was not so lucky. Or, not so unlucky? Well, serendipitous or not, he found himself in the line for the kissing booth. The woman manning the kissing booth had bright pink hair and dark eyes, and he could have sworn she winked at him. He needed to explain to her how outlandishly improper it was to behave so coquettishly towards someone of his noble status, especially towards someone with his exceptional magical abilities.

The line was long, but at last it was his turn to confront her. He opened his mouth to release his tirade. And that presumptuous, impetuous woman _kissed him!_ How rude! How thoughtless!

How unexpectedly pleasant. He kissed her back, and before he could quite collect himself, there was a line of females all expecting to be kissed, and the pink-haired woman had pulled him into the booth beside her and set him up with his own little tip jar.

Her name was Fadila, and she was almost as good at kissing as he was.

Te'ijal watched all this with her standard amused smile. And she turned to Mad Marge, who was standing beside her with her standard unamused scowl.

"Would you like to torment Galahad with me?"

Marge spat on the ground. "Of course not."

Te'ijal raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to watch Lars philander all day?"

Marge's scowl deepened, and Te'ijal laughed. "Perhaps you would like to watch Elini torment Pirate John?"

" _No!_ " Mad Marge declared passionately, and then straightened and said tiredly, "How did you want to torment Galahad this time?"

Te'ijal snickered and whispered her plan in the barmaid's ear.

Galahad, of course, was completely unaware of this conspiracy against him. He had tried to find some damsel in distress to assist, but there were none. He couldn't even find any _men_ in distress, excepting Pirate John. But in Galahad's humble opinion, the knave got no more than he deserved, and didn't count as distressed. Why, the noble woman Elini was only making him behave as any gentleman should, asking him to treat her chivalrously and to buy her gifts. Not at all like Te'ijal.

No, Te'ijal had an infuriating habit of chasing him through the door rather than letting him open it. She tended to scare him out of his jacket rather than asking to borrow it. She crushed flowers rather than admiring them, and rather than asking for gifts, she preferred to take, I don't know, _his soul_.

She was horrible. Appalling. Demonic-

"Galahad, duckling, look what I have got for you!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME, CREATURE OF THE NIIii- where did you get all those goldfish?"

Her arms were filled with glass bowls piled on top of one another, water splashing out of them, tiny little orange creatures swimming around in them, all looking at him with their big googly fish eyes like he was their protector, their hero- spawn of serpents, he was starting to tear up. He angrily wiped his face and growled, "You stole all these, didn't you, you foul creature! We must return them immediately!"

The vampress just laughed. "No, my tasty tidbit! I won them, 'fair and square,' as you mortals like to say, though why anyone should aim for quadrilaterality is beyond me. And now we may feast on them!"

" _WHAT?!"_

"Oh, calm down, crumpet, I promise we can cook them first-"

"WE ARE NOT EATING THESE INNOCENT CREATURES, SERPENT SPAWN!"

"How you flirt, lambchop! All right, then, you have charmed me out of the idea, but I promised Mad Marge she could have at least one of them-"

"The- barmaid?!" Galahad spluttered

"Yes, she helped me win them-"

Galahad tried to yell but instead he just gaped. He was too angry for expression. He was beyond speech, beyond sanity-

Mad Marge, also, was a little on the mad side, because she couldn't find any more games that were giving goldfish for prizes. They were all offering _stuffed animals_. As in, soft, fluffy, button-eyed, cuddly-looking imitation creatures. There were sickeningly adorable and she hated them. She was walking away from another such game when she heard that fluff-head sword singer's voice.

"Dameon, look at _this!_ "

And she emerged from the crowd dragging a huge pile of those abominable stuffed toys behind her. Actually, on a second glance Marge saw that the pile was being carried by that wimpy sun priest, and both he and the sword singer had ridiculous grins on their stupid faces.

"Look at these prizes!" Rhen gushed, and Marge nearly vomited. " _Look at that huge stuffed Rawvyrn!_ "

Dameon gaped up at it, amazed that human ingenuity could produce something so brilliant, so simultaneously awe-inspiring and darling. "Rhen, you have to win it!"

"I know!" she said, and pulled the necessary gold from his pockets (his hands being rather otherwise occupied).

The game was a ring toss, which made Rhen laugh because she was good at throwing things. This was going to be _easy-_

 _-_ Why did she keep missing?! "Augh!" she grunted, gritting her teeth and tossing the third ring harder. It grazed the edge of the target and flew past it. The next one bounced off the target.

And her last, beautiful red ring... balanced on the edge of the target... and rolled away!

"What!" Rhen said. "This is impossible!"

The carnival worker gave his apologies with a cheap smirk, and Rhen opened her mouth to tell him exactly what she thought of his game, but Dameon was paying him to try again-

"Dameon, this game is rigged! What are you doing?"

He smiled and handed her the stuffed animals. "Trust me."

"This is madness!" she protested from behind a mountain of fluffiness. But Dameon just kissed her cheek and took the rings from the carnival worker.

"You know you can't throw, Dameon! Don't you remember the dart game?"

"Of course I do," he said, narrowing his eyes and frowning in concentration... and he tossed his first ring.

And it landed on the target! Rhen felt her mouth fall open and she couldn't close it again, because his _next_ ring landed on the target! And his next! How was he doing it?!

The fourth ring wobbled slightly and seemed to change direction, and Rhen thought she saw a faint glimmer in the air, and then it went on the target, too!

And when the fifth and final ring, which he definitely threw much too hard, went on the target, Rhen realized what was happening. And she knew she ought to scold Dameon, but instead she laughed because the carnival worker's mouth had fallen open, and his eyes were bugging out of his head and his face was pale. His hands shook as he handed Dameon the glorious, adorable, fluffy Rawvyrn, and Dameon turned back towards her with a goofy idiotic beautiful smile of victory.

"You cheated!" she cackled as he took the pile of stuffed animals from her again. "You used your shields!"

He just laughed as she took his arm to lead him to the next game-

And they crashed into Te'ijal, who was carrying bowls and bowls of goldfish, which resulted in all of them getting soaked-

"Plah!" Rhen gasped, spitting goldfish water out of her mouth and trying to dry her eyes with a wet arm. "Te'ijal! What are you doing with all those goldfish!"

"Tormenting Galahad," Mad Marge said dryly, appearing seemingly from nowhere.

" _You'll never get away with this, serpent spawn!_ " Galahad yelled from on top of a rock climbing wall a few games away.

"What are you humans doing with all those wet stuffed animals?"

"Tormenting me," Marge said in the same dry tone as before.

Te'ijal laughed. "I find it very amusing."

" _Get away from me, woman!_ "

They all turned to see Pirate John waving his arms angrily at Elini, who seemed to be trying to hold his hand.

"What are _they_ doing?" Rhen said.

"Ugh," was Mad Marge's answer, by which they all understood that she was now doubly tormented.

Dameon frowned and turned to Rhen. "How come you never try to hold my hand?"

"What!" she exclaimed. "I do!"

He blushed. "Oh."

"What are you all doing?"

They all jumped, which resulted in more water being spilled and a few dropped stuffed animals, and they turned to see Lars.

Mad Marge sighed loudly and stomped away. Lars stared after her in confusion.

"What is _she_ doing?"

Te'ijal laughed. "Now, human, you are asking the real questions."

But the real answers were not to be disclosed, because Galahad challenged some poor fool to a duel, and Rhen had to go break it up. Then they all discovered they were rather hungry and entered an eating contest, which Rhen won, of course. And Galahad entered a jousting contest which, somehow, Pirate John won, and then the pirate forfeited because it turned out the prize was a kiss from a Veldt woman. Elini took this to be an expression of devotion to her, which made Te'ijal chuckle and Lars roll his eyes. And then they all rode the ferris wheel and Dameon fell asleep on Rhen's shoulder, so she had to carry him and all the stuffed animals back to the inn. But she had no regrets.

Except those goldfish; they were a mistake and she wished she could convince Te'ijal to give them away or something.

Good thing they had a well in Sedona.


End file.
